Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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