Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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