awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
