my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
