He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
