party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
