considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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