Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
