i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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