I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
