God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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