You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
