dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
