I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
