went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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