i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
