That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm passing your future prison.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
