I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
