Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize