moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize