Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
