she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize