so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
