I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I sprained my soul last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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