He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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