My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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