woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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