very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
