ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
