You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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