I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
