I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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