just tell him i said nine months
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
