i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
