You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
