I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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