My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
