kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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