I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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