Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
