Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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