god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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