U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
should my penis look like a turkey
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
