Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
