Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize