One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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