My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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