i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
