We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
