I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
