And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
