we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
