I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize