I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
