One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
