There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
