Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
