It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
