Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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