I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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