i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
