I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Are we still banned from the library?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
