Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
