they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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