I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
