My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
