WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
